For
many the thought of spending the night in the local wine bar, club or pub
hoping to meet someone is outdated. Why sit there all night wondering if
someone is available to date? I myself once plucked up the courage to talk to a
lady in a bar. We got on, had a drink and spent a great 30 minutes chatting and
laughing before her boyfriend turned up and she left with him after actually
shaking my hand. A
real
life “oh bugger” moment. Online dating is different, and with the touch of a
button you can be presented with a whole database of singles (hopefully
anyway). Almost everyone now has an internet connection within their home and
on their phones. According to some, it’s the “age of communication”, although
I’m sure those that say this have never lived in a signal-free area as I did
for
some time.
A while
back, if I said to someone that I was a member of a couple of dating sites, I
would've got a decidedly weird look varying from horror to sympathy. The words
“internet dating” almost screamed “desperate”. I could never work this out, as
there were stranger things that were popular, such as“speed-dating”, “singles
nights” and “classifieds”. The thought of speed-dating still makes me smile,and
if I was to have tried this medium, then I pity the lady as I can talk for
Britain. Imagine how I’d be
if I
had a time limit on my waffling.
I have
discussed internet dating with many people over the years, trying to assess
what others thought of this medium. I came across many conflicting opinions,
some of which were quite shocking. One lady friend of mine described internet
dating as “a medium to use and abuse women”, as if they were forced to join and
then used by serial daters (someone who isn’t looking for a relationship but
likes to
date a
lot). I was to find out that this was to be true in some cases but not solely
male instigated.
I have
talked to others who have giggled nervously and quickly changed the subject,
leaving me to believe they were secretly members themselves but too afraid or
embarrassed to admit it. One guy actually laughed at me and called me “sad”,
but as I’ve never been one to back down on a subject, we spent an amazing
evening swapping stories about our dating experiences with the opposite sex,
much
to the
delight of those around us. In the end it came down to mobile phones at dawn
and so I simply switched mine on and let the waiting messages roll in. Many
said, “Where are you tonight?” which proved my point as to who had a more
active social life. His mobile was silent, and even though he sat willing it to
ring, it never did. I have never been one to brag and that’s not the reason I
am writing
this,
but I will argue for dating sites as I know they work, and I know they bring a
lot of pleasure and company into the lives of people who otherwise would have
very little.
I have
a very close friend who lives on his own and doesn't get out much except for
work. He works alone. He comes home every evening and switches on the TV for
another night of boring soap operas. He will go to bed at the same time every
evening, and the next morning wake up and do it all over again. Surely his
world would be a better one if he came home, switched on his laptop and had a message
from a lady asking, “How was your day?” Wouldn't his evening be better spent
building a relationship with someone rather than watching everyone mess theirs
up on the nightly soap operas? For him, internet dating would be a whole new
world, and provide the company that he needs in his life. We all need company,
and the company of the opposite sex, even in cyberspace at first, is a wonderful
thing. I will get him online even if I have to set it up while he’s out. His
reason for not being on dating sites is simple: He believes that it’s for
people who have no social skills in the real
world
and are desperate. This couldn't be further from the truth, but I admit that
some members could fine tune their approach while for others a complete
overhaul is needed.
Another
group I talked to constantly about dating sites was single parents. Now here we
have a category of people who are very mixed about their thoughts, but all seem
to come to one conclusion: Internet dating has its uses and where you go with
it and what you use it for is up to you. Some will go all the way and date
constantly until they meet someone, while others will use it for contacting and
making friends. The sites do actually come alive after eight o’clock once the
children are in bed. Online dating is full of single parents, as I am sure you
can imagine. These are men and women that find themselves on their own every
night when their children are in bed asleep. I believe that for these people
(like myself) there is no better way to meet and talk to others, even if it is
only online at first. It’s a way of conversing with like-minded adults and
having a few laughs at the same time. So why was internet dating shunned by
some? Why was it taboo (and to some still is)? I believe it’s a
fear of
the internet and the bad press it receives from different news groups. It’s the
“sad” stigma that is attached to dating sites, which is very outdated and wrong
in my opinion. They are, however, entitled to their opinion, although I know
they are wrong. Internet dating gives us a choice as to where we meet people.
It’s another medium that in this day and age works well. We are all capable of
going to the pub or into social situations, but it’s a gamble as to whether we
will meet someone. Not everyone has the courage to walk up to a stranger and
strike up a conversation in an everyday situation. The fear of rejection or
embarrassment is too great sometimes. Internet dating takes away any fear a
person may have and can be done from wherever you are at the time, and at least
you know that the ladies you are looking at are single (or at least should be).
I admit that body language says alot about a person and internet dating does
not give you this advantage, but it will when you start
dating.
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